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im creating a new journal. I'm starting a new life with new friends and without hard drugs. Because I want to. Not because of any of you. and everyone that bet against me can kiss my pretty little ass because you dont know me, you never did. goodbye.
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Well, Thursday was my last day of high school. I graduated early, I met the requirements early so why bother to stay? its been kind of rough on the last two days because a suboxone piull threw me directly into withdrawal for eight hours wednesday, and then some weird shit happened at my party thursday that kind of sucked. Blah. At least I never have to see that place ever again.

We're moving to BG wednesday, me and Danny. It should be like 'the big move' for most people but since I've been living on m yown for two years now it isn't any different from the last time I moved, although I do imagine it will be better. I just hope Danny and I will do alright, save up our money for the real move and not spend them on drugs. So anyway, we plan to work and just kick it while we're living there in BG.

Then we gotta make the move to Yellow Springs, Antioch College. I'm so excited. This is the only college I really considered at all and I'm so glad I got in with half the tuition paid by one scholarship alone! I'm pretty sure I'll be going there for free. My ACT score and community service at Food Not Bombs (which I barely even thought to write down as community service) really paid off.

I can;t wait to get Danny out of here. It's so bad for him and for both of us, nothign here but drugs and boredom. No opportunities, no music anymore, nothing positive. I hope he gets to finish setting down his album before we leave, and we can try to find sombody to work on production with him.

We might be getting oxy tomorrow and that's bad news but I feel the need to mention it anyway. Danny hasn't done it in a few weeks now....

Eventually it won't be so hard for us to stay away from drugs.
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wow, it's been two whole months since an update. I don't really care but i feel like i should say something just for the sake of itself.

lets see, i haven't done any needle drugs in about three weeks, and i really wish i had some. I've been feeling really good lately actually and I'm about to graduate, then move to BG and go to hookahville and then everything is going to get bettr this year. Danny seems to be doing better and he's about to be hired at ford makin lotsa bucks. we should be pretty well off from her on out.

6 days of school...

oh, and i;m registered for antioch. they gave me $15,000 a year so far. man, i have to go read hamlet.

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This is me and baby boy on Xmas, courtesy of Mikey. Mikey got me this really awesome jacket, and so did my cousin Tom and his wife Cheryl. My dad even anded up giving Danny $150 and me $150. It was a good Xmas. I got to see my grandparents, which means a lot to me. I miss them.

Danny and I have been talking about how we are going to marry eachother. Obviously no law or religious shit. We are going to make our promises to eachother, because that is most important, and when I tell him I want to be with him for the rest of my life, I want that to be totally sincere and original from me, without any bullshit tainting it. We are more im portant than the law, so how is it the stupid, ignorant, meaningless law's place to tell us how we feel about eachother? It isn't.

I can;t wait to get him out of this shithole. I am going to make him so happy in Yellow Springs, just like he deserves. We will be truly happy. This is what I will think about to get me out of these next few months here in Crack City and in High School.

Well, I hope everyone has a good holiday/break/ New Year. Hit me up whenever.
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Danny's asleep. His meds kept him from sleeping all night... I have soem Calculus to do. I really don;t want to go to high school anymore. I just can't wait to go to Antioch. I don't see why I should even bother finishing out my time in this Hellish place but I suppose I have to. But maybe I can graduate early. I have to just look forward to better days next year (well lat eMay/June for the most part) for Hookahville, my 18th birthday, our (official) one year anniversary, and my graduation. All around the same time, yipee. Literally in the same week though, from the 21st to June 1st or something like that. I've got to do some shopping for my grandparents and stuff this month, and me and Danny are gonna go to Sense and Nonsense. I want to go to a show too so there had better be something good. We are gonna do something for our 7 month anniversary too.

I really wish I was still into shit like I used to be. I used to dumpster dive and do public art and Food Not Bombs and shit, all the time doing demonstrations and publications and otu doing crazy shit and just getting excited about being alive. That was awesome. I hate school, it sucks the life out of me. I just cannot wait for Antioch. It will be such a change from this apathy-making system.
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FriDaY motherfuckers FRIIIIIIIDAY is tomorrow w00t... give me a call if you wanna hang out. listening to the requiem soundtrack. doing some homework. waiting for danny. yeps. i loves him.
i dont want to think about anything really right now so i am nto about to type anythign insightful. If you were hoping for somethign insightful (which i havent written since i deleted my previous journal) than you can stop reading now. I'm feeling pretty good and i dont want to fuck it up so im not about to think about anything other than that tomorrow is friday. And i hate fuckign politics. fuck the empire, fuck capitaslism, nafta, wto imf, and fuck oil. Just thought id remind you all of where i stand (as if you could forget), and oh, viva zapatistas!
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Man I can be depressing. New trimester today, I'm gonna have to try because Klever is kind of a tough grader. Got my first B in an English class ever this trimester. But I got an A in calculus. wtf? I also got a 29 on the ACT. Well... yep. I gotta take it again and try for a 30. Blee. Danny gets paid on Friday... I can't wait we are going to party the fuck down. Huppster, I'm gonna fuckin miss you. You had better make your way back up here for Hookahville, and me danny you and meg are all gonna go together and own on some hippie motherfuckers. Heh. Well, I have nothign to do because Danny is at work.

Happy day to all you heads out there, cop killas. It's a dangerous man who speaks with his hands. Beat junkie sound system just rolled into town.

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My GOD what a fucking stressful ass night. Nothing on my mind now but dope. I wanna get so fucking high, sweet apathy, relaxation, forget about this all.
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I've sort of just been expressionless lately. What am I doing? you can ask me but I don't think I'll have a response. What motivates me? Nothign that I can think of. I'm really confused about why the hell I bother with so many things I really don't give a fuck about, like school. I REALLY don't give fuck-all about school. This apathy is sort of pathetic., I remember what things used to be like when i cared about things in life. Things used to make me angry and make me fight back. I miss that, I used to be a living breathing entity back then. But now? A simple pleasure-seeking apathetic blob. Something whose motivations are to suck pleasure out of things without giving anythign back or using any effort whatsoever. Where are all the people who I used to actually contribute to life with? What happened to all of that? Well, pathetic ramblings...

Really I wish I wasn't broke so I could just get high. Something to just allow the apathy to take over instead of being half-apathetic with a feeble little conscientious objector in the background. At least that way I could feel together at some sort of conclusion instead of in some sort of constant inner turmoil.
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